stargazer rendezvous

I’ve packed up and moved people.

Hush, no tears needed

Home’s here now!

Yes…. its been quite awhile, hasn’t it.

Apologize?… Nah. Why should i, its not like i have fans to please. Nope, its just me, me, me, and maybe one, and if i’m lucky, two of you.

*deafening silence*

Honestly, it has crossed my mind more than once of writing a farewell note and leaving this blog alone, and let it be preserved in cyberspace for all eternity.

So why didn’t i?

For the same reason i haven’t blogged for ages: no time, no energy and more importantly, no motivation. Oh, sweet irony that i lacked all three to even close this place down.

But a random conversation at Starbucks with a group of uni friends, those that didn’t know me when this blog was at the very least read by a few people, that ended up with all of us accessing our blogs, that sparked something back into me.

I’ve been a lazy, lazy bum these past few months. One guitar string broken and i haven’t written a song in ages. Assignments, tests and projects loom, and i disregard whatever impulses to jot down thoughts. And poetry? Let’s not even go there, shall we?

So lets make this a fresh start. Yes, i am awful at keeping promises to myself (for eg; this sem’s was to lose weight and study. Result: put on more weight, partied more). But i’d like to at least try. Principly, there shouldn’t be any harm in trying. But realistically? Well… we’ll never know till we try, no?

So… i’m back. And as cliche as this sounds, It’s Good To Be Back.

Bad habit: reading my old blog posts.

What did i find out?

A year on, and i feel the same about being older. (read post here)

I think i articulated it better last year though, since i seem to have lost the ability to string words together in written form. Not sure where the blame lies for the loss of artistic eloquence, but i know there wil always be the four fingers that point back at me.

Yes, i am in a bit of a funk. But i think i’m on my way out of this. Planning the birthday party is a good distraction- away from upcoming tests, projects, and personal agendas.

But i am hopeful. That there will be a return to normality. Or at least some semblance of it. And hope for the future. A future less littered by mistakes, mistakes and mistakes.

Here’s to the future. Cheers.

"I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best,"          
                                                                        - Marilyn Monroe.

Yes, i shirked my responsibilities.

Yes, it is your prerogative whether to accept the excuses or not.

Yes, being tired from debate is no excuse.

Yes, maybe i should have managed my time better.

Yes, maybe debate shouldn’t have been a higher priority than singing/college projects/revision for test.

Yes, i was the one who chose to do law and now its my fault that studying law and having a career in the legal profession is scaring me so much i have difficulty breathing every moment i think about it.

But i am only human. I am a scared, dumb, naive girl with a fragile heart and emotions too complicated to decipher who sometimes just wants to run away from this big scary world.

I want so bad to be that girl who’s cool, calm, collected and blase.

But I’m not.

And i won’t apologise for that.

I know one-liner posts suck, but i have one thing that i have to tell everyone.

John Mayer’s baaaccckkk!! (and not just in tabloids)

Say is such a great song. Take a listen here.

Melting.

I’m sorry.

I haven’t done my duty of being a proper blogger and blogged about nonsensetical details of my life.

Instead of having a proper semester break, i’ve been under much stress. I’ve gotten involved with a group of loud and mostly angry people.

I’ve been debating.

More specifically, i’ve just finished Royals 2007. The supremely gross accomadations aside, it was pretty fun, though extremely stressful. Was dissapointing to get beaten at quarters by a team we beat in the prelims, but the pain was assuaged a little by the fact that i now have a nice little trophy for ranking 6th in the junior category =). (Team that beat us in quarters were ranked nowhere near the top10)

A day later, went to MMU Cyber for their ‘Friendliest of Friendlies’. The fatigue from Royals still hadn’t left most of us, added with the fact that for the first time i wasn’t paired with a senior member, Ben and i didn’t make the break. I barely cared though, was just too damn sleepy.

Now i’m home for a few hours after getting my passport done. Will be taking part in WUPID in KL, and then Worlds in Thailand. Its a return to Bangkok, baby (and Pattaya too).

So yes, will be training and debating A LOT. Won’t even be back till a week after the new semester starts. So people, especially to my coursemates:

ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY, BITCHES!

I was watching KAMI the other day, and one of the lines that caught me, was said by a musician in zest:

       "Good musicians reference, great ones plagiarise"

I had to laugh at that, though it does have a small grain of truth to it. When you listen to good music that moves you, it does inspire you to write. Whether the quality is the same or not, doesn’t matter. You write because you write. Simple.

Lately, some new music has been moving me the right way. Mainsteam tracks, mostly, since i haven’t checked out indie music in quite a bit. So anyway, here’s a short list.

Lagu Untukmu- Meet Uncle Hussein
If you’ve noticed my friendster profile (ehem), you’d notice this band being up at my fave music for quite sometime. Its really good to hear the band being featured prominently, eventhough the music has shifted slightly from their usual ballsy indie feel to a more mainstream sound. But i applaud them for that.
I love love love the moment when the guitars kick in the bridge/chorus… Gotta give props to the guitarist on a awesome riff.

How Far We’ve Come- Matchbox Twenty
I am so deliriously happy that they’re back that i was jumping up and down when i got the email from the official fanlist (yes, i am a member. duh). And i couldn’t be more pleased with this track. It blends a very Yourself of Someone Like You melody with a very More Than You Think You Are arrangement. I loved the drumbeat- which was why i was surprised that the Paul Doucette has moved from drum duty to guitars after Adam Gaynor left. And of course, its great to hear Rob Thomas’ familiar sexy growl during the post-chorus (Its gone, gone, baby it’s all gone… damn, i don’t think Armageddon has sounded sexier then when Rob sings it…). And yes, i think Rob sounds sooo much more better with Kyle Cook backing him up (listen to their cover of Time After Time, and you’ll know what i mean).

Darn it. I gtg. Will sambung laters. That is, if you people care. Laters!

Just a few days before the Raya hols, filmaker Fahmi Reza came to our faculty with his documentary and rocked the world of 10 first year law students.

Click here. Load the movie and lets look at our history in a different way. After all, history was written by the victors. Let’s hear what the losers had to say. Warning: this might just rock your world too.

In a mob, you guys gain the courage to show it off in the most immature way. But try saying it to my face, let’s find a resolution- but hey, that’d take balls you don’t have.

I’d rather not have friends than have friends who can’t tell me when i went wrong. Say it to me, or don’t say it at all.

I’ll be the bitch all of you love to hate. At least i’m not being a hypocrite, no?

Everything I Am-Kanye West

I never be picture-perfect-Beyonce
Be light as Albi or black as Chauncey
Remember him from Blackstreet
He was as black as the street was
I’ll never be laid back as this beat was
I never could see why people’ll reach a
Fake-ass facade they couldn’t keep up
See how I creeped up?
See how I played a big role in Chicago like Queen Latifah?
I never rock a mink coat in the winter time like Killa Cam
Or rock some mink boots in the summertime like will.I.am
Let me know if you feel it man
Cause everything I’m not, made me everything I am

Damn, here we go again.
Everybody sayin’ what’s not for him
But everything I’m not, made me everything I am
Damn, here we go again.
People talkin shit, but when the shit hit the fan
Everything I’m not, made me everything I am

And I’m back to tear it up
Haters, start your engines
I hear ‘em gearin’ up
People talk so much shit about me at barbershops
They forget to get they haircut
Okay fair enough, the streets is flarin’ up
Cause they want gun-talk, or I don’t wear enough
Baggy clothes, Reebok’s, or A-di-dos
Can I add that he do spaz out at his shows
So say goodbye to the NAACP award
Goodbye to the In-di-a Arie award
They’d rather give me the ni-nigga-please award
But I’ll just take the I-got-alotta-cheese award (ha)

I know that people wouldn’t usually rap this
But I got the facts to back this
Just last year, Chicago had over 600 caskets
Man, killin’s some wack shit
Oh, I forgot, ‘cept for when nigga’s is rappin’
Do you know what it feel like when people is passin’?
He got changed over his chains, a block off Ashland
I need to talk to somebody, pastor
The church want time, so I can’t afford to pay
The slip on the door, cause I can’t afford to stay
My 15 seconds up, but I got more to say
That’s enough Mr. West, please no more today

Damn, here we go again.
Everybody sayin’ what’s not for him
But everything I’m not, made me everything I am
Damn, here we go again.
People talkin shit, but when the shit hit the fan
Everything I’m not, made me everything I am

Eminem& Jay-Z- Renegade

Chorus:
Cause i’m a renegade
Never been afraid to say whats on my mind
Talk about anything
Any given time of day